The Hidden Advantage of Sharp Edges — Why Being Disagreeable is Best
Anyone can be valuable if they have the right motivation, but strangely enough, being disagreeable multiplies that value.
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I’ve mentioned that I’m a long-distance runner. This wasn’t always the case. I remember in high school doing the mile run in something like 14 minutes, and I felt like I was dying. These days, I can do 10-mile runs while chatting with my wife.
As a side note inside my side note — if you’re interested in running but haven’t been successful in the past, I have one big suggestion. I used to feel that running was horrible. Every run would feel stressful and exhausting and hard. I was running too hard.
You can read about it online (or listen to Peter Attia’s podcast), but try to run at a pace where you are breathing a bit hard, but you can say full sentences without gasping. If that means fast walking, do that. If it means a jog at a 15-minute pace, that’s fine too. It’s remarkable what you can accomplish doing easy runs 5-6 days a week (yes, it still requires a time commitment). And that easy running feels the worst in your first week or two. After a couple of months, I think you’ll be shocked at your progress, and how those runs aren’t a big deal anymore. These days I absolutely enjoy it. And I listen to books or podcasts, so I look forward to the time.
Which leads me to the topic today! I randomly alternate between fiction audiobooks, and podcasts. And a podcast I listened to a couple of days ago was Lenny’s podcasts with Naomi Gleit.
What got me thinking was that she mentioned a concept Adam Grant talks about in his book Give and Take. She talked about Givers vs. Takers, and Disagreeable vs. Agreeable people.
It made me think, and I wanted to share.
Let’s talk motivation
Let’s quickly run through the basic concept.
Adam Grant calls them givers and takers, but I think the point he’s discussing is about motivation.
Givers — These people are motivated to do the right thing for the company. Motivated to help others. Motivated to do their best. In a poetic way, you could say that they have honorable motivations. I say honorable because they’re motivations you could be proud of. You could happily tell others what motivates you, and not be embarrassed about it.
Takers — These people are motivated by selfish things. Their promotion. Their team size. Their visibility to others. If someone isn’t honest about their motivation to others, it’s likely that they’re being a taker.
Two quick caveats to share.
No one is 100% a giver or taker. We all fall victim at times to slightly pushing things in our favor. And even the most selfish people help others at times. I think these categories are useful to think about as a general pattern.
We’re all motivated at some level by our income. Most people wouldn’t keep working at their jobs if they weren’t paid for it. I think people can be motivated to do the right thing, as long as you believe that it’s good for you personally in the long term. This is a critical reason that good managers are important. They can ensure that people feel they’re rewarded for acting appropriately.